mirror meditation

A few years ago, I began experimenting with something I now call my “mirror meditation”. It was one of the first tools I created to help me connect with strong or overwhelming emotions when I first started learning how to come home to my body. I still use it frequently when I hit a communication snag with the person of my body, and I’ve shared it with many friends and clients alike over the past few years.

this meditation can be intense so take it slowly when you first begin to use it and give yourself compassion for how difficult you may find it in the beginning. So many of us are not used to truly seeing ourselves or staying with ourselves this way. As in any relationship, learning how to engage compassion and curiosity in the midst of conflict or miscommunication is a process. Be patient and just keep trying.

The only thing you’ll need for this exercise is a mirror — preferably full length, but any mirror will do. The time to experiment with using this meditation is Whenever you notice yourself beginning to move in the direction of your coping mechanisms, whatever they might be. When your awareness of those moments occurs, take the opportunity to get yourself into the position of either sitting or kneeling in front of your mirror.

Begin with your eyes closed, one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. Usually for me, at this point, I begin to notice the somatic indicators of anxiety or panic as my nervous system becomes activated — sensing a threat in my stillness. If this happens for you, gently engage a 4-7-8 count breath (inhale through the nose for 4, hold at the top for 7, exhale through the mouth for 8) for as long as you need until you feel grounded and ready to continue.

Once you’re ready, slowly open your eyes to your own face in the mirror and Hold your own gaze. Notice what comes up and choose to stay with yourself, breathing deeply and slowly. Whenever you feel ready, say out loud to yourself with affection: “I love you. I’m listening. I’m here” — the same way you might say it to a partner, a parent, a child, a friend when you are trying to comfort and understand.

Now comes the hardest part: just listen. Keep bravely holding your own gaze. Don’t look away. Feel whatever emotion or sensation arises. Hear whatever it is your body has to tell you about what they’re feeling, what they’re remembering, what they’re anticipating, what they know.

When you feel like the person of your body has shown you what they have to say, take a deep breath and respond with: “I hear you. Thank you. Tell me more.” Sometimes I’ve also needed to ask my body “Is there something underneath that?” when she’s revealed a memory or a fear. Almost always, by this point, I’ve discovered some deeply necessary information about the emotional experience I was trying so hard to resist and avoid mere minutes ago. And almost always, by this point, I’m crying. Or shaking. Or screaming. Or holding myself. remember to keep holding your own gaze.

Whatever comes up, feel it fully. Stay with the sensations for as long as you can and release the emotions for as long as you need. I promise you that your body will tell you when you’re finished for today, and that they will thank you abundantly for turning your tenderness in their direction.

Whenever you’re ready, take a few more deep and cleansing breaths, stand up, stretch, and thank yourself for being so brave. If it helps to dance or eat or masturbate or journal or go for a walk — absolutely do it. An exercise like this can bring up a lot and you and your body may both need a little extra tenderness, pleasure, and play afterwards. give yourself permission to take exactly what you need.